The One Where I Miss Him

 Dear FH,

I'm not sure how to feel right now. It just seems all too low at the moment. Things don't seem to go my way in terms of my love life. I know that it may still take a while to get to know you and meet you and there have been people I have come across with who seemed to be the perfect fit. I don't know why but somehow I got to thinking that one of them could have possibly been you.

I met this one in Guam through a dating app. Some may think it feels so low that I had to resort to that to meet people, but they don't know how hard it is to keep trying to find someone who I can finally settle with. And I'm sorry that I kept on looking while knowing that you may be out there somewhere just waiting for me. I can't help but be lonely while I wait for you.

So this one I met after such a long time, he made me feel so much emotions in so little time. He made me do things I wouldn't normally do to just about anyone. I surprised myself even for being able to do such things for him. 

We only got together for a few days in Guam. No more than 5 days. But don't get me wrong on this, I would say those were some of the most memorable days of my life. I have never felt this strongly for someone I just met. Each day was perfect, I didn't need to pretend to create a good impression on him. I didn't want to in the first place. We played pool and had a couple drinks and talked a lot. Those talks are what really hit me. We were discussing things about a lot of things, nothing specific really, but he let me in on his world bit by bit.

And so it went on from November 19 until March 2nd. Everything was so great. The way I felt, the way we jived, just the vibes were perfect! His smile and the way he looks at me just kept me feeling like a little girl crushing on someone for the first time. I didn't know how to act or move accordingly.

From Guam, I went to Alabama to come see him after 3 months of not seeing him in person. Imagine the excitement I felt knowing that it will bridge the distance we have. How close we can be again. He picked me up from the airport and God! It was like a dream you know? Something out of the movies. One for the books.

Although something felt different. He was a bit distant. I wasn't sure if it was nervousness, or what. I can't quite put words into what I felt but I tried to enjoy the moments we had. It only lasted the whole day. He left around 10pm because he had prior commitments. And I understood that he needed to do that. Little did I know that would be the last time. Had I known, I would've stopped him from leaving, hugged him tighter and cuddled closer while we slept. I succumbed to tiredness on that day instead of maximizing the time I had with him. And boy does it hurt now wishing I could bring us back to that time and do everything differently. Disregard my tiredness and just feel him. There. With me.

I arrived Feb 25th and to this day, I still haven't felt connected to him. Really feeling sad about it.

Could it be you? Could it be you that was with me that day? Did I push you away? I'm sorry my love. I didn't mean to. I love you. If you turn out to be him and we get to meet again, I can't wait to run towards you and hug you a little tighter, kiss you a little more, hold your hand and tell you that I'm here for you always. I can't wait to spend my lifetime with you.

FH, if you turn out to be him, I feel you everywhere, I see you in everything and I won't ever get tired of telling you I love you, because I do. I just wish you knew.

Will be waiting for you,

FW